I hate gas guzzlers
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Gas
guzzler
Gas guzzler, gas guzzler, gas guzzler.
You see them everywhere. Huge SUV gas guzzlers. Luxury sedan gas guzzlers. Sports car guzzlers. Gas guzzlers everywhere.
But driving a gas guzzler is fun. It's about more than transportation. It sends a message. It tells people you can afford the gas. It makes you feel powerful. It can make a dork feel cool. A short person tall. A poor person rich. An impotent man virile. It's not about driving. It's about perception. And, since life is so short, why shouldn't you just do what you want, drive what you want?
Sure gas guzzlers can be expensive, especially when refilling. But, its not worth having if its not expensive, right? A great car or house. A sexy wife. If you want a good life, you have to buy it, right?
Eat McDonalds all you want. Smoke. Drink till your liver explodes. Because you can just buy the next great pill to fix you right up. Or, have doctors perform millions of dollars worth of surgery - hey, man, you have been paying your insurance premiums for years. You deserve it. Every American deserves millions in health care. It's our right. Who cares if health care fails the next generation. Responsibility? Life is too short.
Besides, gas guzzling is an inalienable American right. Just because it funds terrorism has nothing to do with Americans. That's a Saudi problem. The environment? Please. 99 percent of species that have ever existed are now dead. Global warming is natural. Man made global warming is a hoax. And acid rain never killed anybody. It's evolution. Ok, evolution isn't real. It's our god-given right.
If governments want to torture and hold their people hostage and sell us cheap oil, then we should buy it. Stealing is even better than buying, especially when you can pay others to do the dirty work. Life is too cheap to worry about how purchases affect other people. It's not America's problem.
So, just buy a gas-guzzler. Find a good blood diamond for your plastic enhanced, face-lifted wife. Never buy
hybrid
cars. Forget electric vehicles. There is enough oil to last forever.
Too much smog? Too much asthma? Too much cancer? Too much war?
Who cares? Life is too short. Put on a gas mask, pop a couple of pills, get a little chemo and drink and smoke the truth away. Life is too short to
worry about consequences, responsibility, reality. Besides, when you're on your death bed, just give the
church a big chunk of cash - you can always just buy your way into heaven. Besides, we're Americans, its our right.
So buy your gas guzzler. Don't worry about fuel economy or emissions. Life is about having fun. Don't think about the future. And if you can't afford it, steal it. Rob for it. Because if you can't buy a good life, then you can't have a good life. And every American deserves a good life, no matter how much pain or hurt it causes others. Life is too short to worry about such trivial matters.
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